Challenge: What Have I Taught My Daughters? AKA Relationship Expired
Many relationships continue long past their expiration date. People stay together with their mate longer than they should. People stay in relationships well past their expiration date for several reasons, the main reason they claim, is for the kids.
I had been married to my husband, the father of my three children for nine long years, nine years longer than I should have. Every day I would ask myself why I stayed with him. I told myself that I stayed with him for the sake of the children. Then, I realized I had to leave him for the sake of my children. It was to my dismay, my distress when I realized or thought about, ‘what had I taught my daughters?’
Staying with their father, what had I taught my daughters? I taught them:
- You deserve to be mistreated because of something you did or didn’t do; it’s your fault, always.
- Don’t demand your Rights, don’t ask to be treated like a human.
- Make excuses for him, time and time again.
- He’s done it more than once before, but his time, he’ll change.
- It’s okay for him to rob you of your dignity, you didn’t deserve it anyways.
- You don’t need friends, they only take your time and take you away from what you’re supposed to be doing. Besides, it gets harder and harder to hide the truth from them, to keep up the charade.
- Your family is wrong about him, they just don’t know him the way you do. Or, they’re jealous of your happiness.
- You don’t have a voice.
- You don’t have a choice.
- You must accept your punishment because it’s your fault.
- You deserve this life because you are used, unlovable, and don’t matter.
- You deserve this life because you chose it.
I was teaching my daughters that it was okay to be less than; to not feel worthy.
It would kill me if my daughters lived the same life I did. I want more for them. I want them to have a voice and know they have a choice. I never want them to feel less than, used, unlovable, or that they don’t matter. I want them to know they don’t have to accept abuse of any kind. I want them to know they are beautiful, amazing, kind-hearted, lovable, and that they matter, especially to me.